Dad After 40: A Personal Perspective

I am one of those fathers who entered the parenting game a bit later in life. At the tender age of 44, to be precise. You can read how it happened here. I didn’t plan it to happen, but it did and I have to give it my best shot. Becoming a dad after 40 is challenging but has its perks. Please indulge me while I offer my humble insights. 

I believe that becoming a father after 40 is different from doing it at a younger age, for a number of reasons. For instance, I feel like societal norms dictate that we, both men and women, are expected to have children when we are younger. So, there is some pressure to conform to these expectations. Well, so much for that in my case. 

In this regard, It seems to be a trend nowadays that many men and women are choosing to become parents later in life for a variety of reasons such as career goals, financial stability, or personal choices. Additionally, medical advancements have made it possible for couples to have children later in life. It looks like some rules are changing when it comes to parenthood. We will see. 

But for me the biggest difference is the time I have left. If I have had my kids earlier in life, I would theoretically have more time to see them grow into full grown persons. This might not happen for me, since I probably have more years behind me than before me. That made me very sad at first. But, of course, nobody can say for sure. Who knows how much time is there left for us? On the other hand, the version of me that I am today has more to offer than the 20s or 30s version. I do value that a great deal and take it as a trade-off, like many other things in life.

In any case, I can’t deny that becoming a father after 40 brings its own set of challenges. It also has some unique benefits. Let us ponder about the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a father after 40, as well as strategies for coping with the challenges that come with this experience.

First things first, let’s talk about the benefits of being a dad after 40. One of the biggest advantages is that you’ve probably had more time to figure out who you are as a person, or at least getting there. Personally, by the time I hit 40, I had already gone through my fair share of ups and downs. I did roughly know what I want out of life. If this is where you are, that should make you more confident, patient, and understanding. These are all qualities that come in handy when you’re dealing with a little human who needs your attention 24/7.

Another perk of being an older dad is that you’re probably more established in your career. Or at least have some job stability. Hopefully you’ve put in the time and effort to climb the ladder, and now you’re in a position where you can afford to be a little more flexible with your work schedule. This means that you can prioritize your family commitments without feeling like you’re sacrificing your professional goals. If this is your case, that’s good news. 

Some financial security is another point. Most likely at 40 you are in a better position than younger dads who are still building their careers. It is not a given, in this economy. But if this is your case, it means you’ll be able to provide for your family in ways that younger dads might not be able to. You’ll also have more life experience to draw from when it comes to making important parenting decisions.

Of course, there are some challenges that come with being an older dad as well. For one thing, your energy levels might not be what they used to be.I know that from own experience. You might find yourself getting tired more easily or not being able to keep up with your kids as much as you’d like. It can be frustrating, but it’s important to remember that it’s normal to feel a little worn out from time to time. No shame there. 

It might also be that your health is not as robust as it once was. We get older and our bodies tend to wear down a bit, we tend to be more susceptible to illnesses or injuries. Just be extra mindful of your physical limitations and take good care of yourself so that you can be there for your family. Sleep well, eat well, take it easy. 

But despite all challenges, there are ways to keep up. Work on building up your stamina and endurance through regular exercise and a healthy diet. Easier said than done, I know. But seriously, prioritize your self-care to ensure that you’re in the best possible health. If you have the availability, ask for help when you need it. That means getting support from your partner or enlisting the help of a trusted friend or family member. Also no shame here, we all need some help at some point. If you remember to be there for others, chances are they will be there for you. 

From a biological perspective, it seems that there are some increased health risks associated with becoming a father later in life. For example, men who become fathers after 45 are more likely to have children with certain genetic disorders, according to some research. On the other hand, there’s also research supporting that children of older fathers tend to be more intelligent and more skilled in STEM. They even use something called “Geek Index”, believe it or not. It is interesting literature, but I would not give it too much mind. I personally just do my thing and take care of what is in my power. What I cannot control is beyond me, so I just let it be.

Now, let’s talk about the best part of being a dad in your 40s: the simple joy of it. There’s something truly magical about watching your child grow up, and it’s a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. I find that as an older dad, you have the benefit of perspective. You’ve been around the block a few times, and you know how precious life can be, and that makes you appreciate every moment with your child that much more. Share your life experiences and wisdom with your child. I find this incredibly rewarding for both you and your child. Enjoy getting to see them learn and grow from your guidance.

Also, being a dad in your 40s means that you can relive your childhood through your child’s eyes. You get to rediscover the joy of playing with toys, watching cartoons, and going on adventures. Plus, you’re at an age where you can appreciate the little moments like the sound of your child’s laughter, the way they look at you with wonder and love. Try to see the world from your child’s point of view and you might rethink many a thing.

At the end of the day, becoming a dad after 40 is a journey that comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. But if you embrace it with an open heart and a positive attitude, it can be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

And remember, there’s no one right way to be a dad. Every family is unique, and every dad brings their own strengths and weaknesses to the table. So don’t worry too much about getting everything right. Instead, just focus on being there for your child and enjoying the journey. I assure you, the main thing they’ll ever need from you is to be there for them, be present. Forget the toys, gadgets, big trips or whatever. Those are just add-ons that cannot surrogate you.

And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure, remember that you’re not alone. There’s a whole ever-growing community of ‘dad-sages’ out there who are going through the same thing as you. Reach out for support when you need it, and remember to take care of yourself so that you can be the best dad you can be.

All in all, being a dad after 40 is a beautiful, challenging, and rewarding journey. So if you’re considering starting a family later in life, don’t be afraid to take the plunge. You might just find that it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.