I became a father and my life improved

The story of how I became a father began one day in late April 2019. I was at home doing who knows what, and my wife Mari called me from the bathroom and asked me to come. I approached, the door was open. She had a pregnancy test in front of her on the sink and a look of panic on her face. We looked at each other, then at the test, then at the mirror in front of us. The test was positive… This was not planned, and apparently we did a poor job preventing it from happening.

The shock lasted all afternoon and part of the night. But the main question was: are we ready? No way. Maybe it’s just a mistake, is that test even reliable? In the following days, Mari took several more tests, all positive. Apparently, we were going to be parents. Me, a dad, at the tender age of 44… At least Mari is ten years younger, she doesn’t stand out so much. Although I don’t feel that way, the numbers don’t lie. I’m going to be some senior dad. Ouch. You can read my insights on being a dad over 40 here.

The pregnancy continued its course and little by little, we became excited about the prospect of becoming parents. We lived alone in Germany, without family, and hardly any support network. Our few friends didn’t have children. Nothing to be done about it. Our daughter was on her way. And she arrived one day in January, at 38 weeks of pregnancy, just before we found out we were in the midst of a pandemic.

Before B-day we had to make some choices, like where to deliver the baby and how. You can go to a hospital or to a “birth house”. Also you must chose between natural birth or with anesthesia. In Germany, at least in my city, births are not scheduled, and natural birth is encouraged. And so was ours, without anesthesia at my wife’s request. That day, Mari earned all my respect and admiration. I wouldn’t have been able to endure such pain. She not only endured it well but also repeated it in the birth of our second child.

For my part, being able to be by her side at that moment meant a lot to me. It is, by far, the most intense and fascinating experience of my life so far. Blood, sweat, and tears, in abundance. Very intense. Every father should be there for the birth, no matter how apprehensive he might be. The mother needs you, this is both of your thing, and she has been enduring the pregnancy for months. It’s the least you can do to earn the title of Father.

The labor lasted all night, until seven in the morning. Mari cried and screamed at the top of her lungs up to when my daughter finally came out. I saw her first and I started crying too. In relief, joy, and pure emotion. I couldn’t stop, I was a mess.

As soon as the baby came out, they placed her on her mother’s chest. Mari’s face went from extreme pain to surprise and then to the purest joy in a second, literally. She went from crying and screaming to laughing, without even blinking. Incredible. She’s my hero, and I love her even more since that day.

It was a magical moment. The hospital staff was fabulous. They let my daughter meet her mother and start breastfeeding while I cut the cord and checked the placenta with the midwife. My daughter didn’t leave her mother’s arms for several hours, skin to skin. The baby was only taken for a brief check-up and was returned to her mother. We were left alone for two hours while they stitched up the mother, collected her things, and documented the birth. Nothing like those movies where they take the baby away and put them in a room with a giant glass. Does that really exist?

And that’s how that day I became a father, without knowing how much my life was going to change. Many things I did and thought before no longer have a place in my daily life. Many others are appearing in my story, changing my life and the way I am little by little.

My new life is tougher than before, I’m not going to lie to you. But at the same time, it’s more intense, more interesting, more satisfying. My best days and my worst moments have been as a father. Being a father is difficult and requires a lot of work to do it well, like everything worthwhile in life. And this is definitely worth it, in my opinion.

Becoming a father made me rethink my position about many topics. It also forced me to redefine who I am and who I want to be, what do I want to offer my kids and what do I actually have to offer right now. There are two little human beings who look up to me and will take me as a role model, at least for a few years. Perhaps for their entire life, if I do well enough. Some pressure, huh? As I try to show them what is life all about, they are teaching me just the same without even knowing it. Well, I didn’t see that coming.